My hands & my heart are full… Honest Motherhood

The title of this post completely sums up the rollercoaster that is motherhood & being a parent, in general! 2017 held many changes for us as a family – Hannah turned 3 and a month later we welcomed Eden to the family.

Here’s the thing – being a parent to two, is SO different. It’s hard to describe.

Initially, I felt like a champion mom – Eden was born via C-section with no hiccups, she was healthy and I had a quick recovery and to top it off we were busy with a renovation of our kitchen. I literally came home from hospital as the last lick of paint was going on downstairs. As I retreated to our room upstairs, I felt proud, Hannah had welcomed her sister with warm affection and breastfeeding was going well. I felt so much joy and pride.

Reality soon set in, when I was left alone with a toddler and a newborn baby and I don’t think I could’ve predicted the amount of guilt I would feel, as Hannah ate bread for supper while watching cartoons, so I could feed Eden and get her down to sleep. Everything, even the joy of being a mom to a new baby, was shrouded in a sense of sadness and feeling out of control. Then there was the disappointment and despair I would feel when I couldn’t understand what Eden wanted – I was a mom before, surely I should know what to do?!?

Little did I know that there was something else going on in my body, too. When Eden was about 12 weeks old I was diagnosed with postpartum depression. It took a lot of motivation for me to actually go see the doctor. It was weeks of stress and anxiety and not coping with general mom stuff, like a crying baby and a tantrum-throwing toddler. When I look back, I think the warning signs were there, but the anxiety I felt and the times that I had struggled, I had fobbed off as not handling the transition to two kids very well.

There was one day when Dave left for work that I cried and I could not stop. I couldn’t control it. I just felt so sad and like such a failure. He eventually came home early and encouraged me to get out of the house, so I booked a pedicure, dried my tears and had some me-time. My sweet, patient husband encouraged me to see our GP, which I was quite offended by. I didn’t think something was that wrong, but at the same time, that day had been anything but rosy. I then saw an instagram post by a blogger, Sarah fromΒ mascaraandmimosas.comΒ about her struggle with postpartum depression and I decided to send her a message and ask how she had coped. She had a similar experience to me – her husband encouraged her to see someone and she was also not too keen initially. Turns out, it was just what she needed. That was the confirmation I needed to seek help. I am so grateful to Sarah for her response to my message and the amazingness of how being open on a social platform really helped me in this journey.

It’s so important to be open and speak about what’s REALLY going on. I felt so much peace and a sense of relief once I knew what I was facing and that I could take medication that would help me.Β For now, I know this is a season in my life, it will take time and I am grateful for it – there are times in life to test and grow us, and I can appreciate that. I love my girls so much and I wouldn’t change it at all.

The only thing I can say is that my hands and my heart are full – my hands are full, juggling all the things involved with being a mom of two and my heart is overflowing with love and gratitude for these two precious lives!

I’d love to hear your honest mom stories – post using the hashtag #honestmotherhood to get involved and share!


This article has 7 comments

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  2. Ali

    I love this piece! Thank you for sharing your story! xxx

  3. Henriette

    I just love how real you are and it takes guts to put your heart out there. Sure it will help many mommies out there! Keep up the amazing work!

  4. Sarah

    Oh lovely I just cried when I read this because it is all SO familiar. So proud of you for putting your health above your pride and will be thinking of you xxx so glad that I could help

  5. Lauren

    Amazing honest piece Mik. Thank you for sharing your journey xxx

  6. Tiffany

    Such an encouraging and heart warming story!

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